Home > Humor, Local / Chicago > Place your bets, Windy City

Place your bets, Windy City

Illinois Governor Pat Quinn has gone on the record supporting a casino in Chicago, an idea which has also been previously endorsed by new Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel. Whether this long-discussed, often-thwarted plan ever becomes a reality remains to be seen. But any gambling enterprise that may set up shop in my hometown would be wise to tap into the parochial nature of Second Citizens. Might I suggest a few locally-flavored odds for future Chicago bookies to consider.

Rahm makes an alderman piss themselves on the council floor: 3-2

Anyone not employed by it actually calls it the Willis Tower: 7,500-1

Schwa launches a food truck fleet: 50-1

Red Line is extended south of 95th by 2050: 250-1

The remains of a Donner Party-esque band of lost shoppers is found on the upper levels of Merchandise Mart: 4-1

Rod Blagojevich serves more than one year of jail time for federal corruption charges: 500-1

Rod Blagojevich appears on multiple reality programs in the 2011-12 TV season: 3-1

Rod Blagojevich appears as a “prominent Democrat” on Fox News in the 2011-12 TV season: Even

The Sun-Times uses the word “Rahm-shell!” in a headline in 2011: 6-1

University of Chicago fields a competitive football program: 1,000-1

Northwestern fields a competitive football program: 1,500-1

DePaul men’s basketball draws more than 1,000 fans for a game: 2,000-1

DePaul men’s basketball draws more than 1,000 fans for the season: 1,999-1

Block 37 is fully occupied: 15-1

Block 37 is razed back into an empty lot: 15-1

Someone loudly makes a point of insisting it’s still Marshall Fields to them: 3-1

Oprah is found wandering along State Street in a daze, just handing out cars to bystanders: 8-5

A non-tourist patronizes the Rainforest Cafe in River North: 750-1

Billy Corgan reboots the Smashing Pumpkins again: 3-1

People notice Billy Corgan rebooted the Smashing Pumpkins again: 300-1

Cubs win the World Series: ∞ -1
Over/Unders for 2011

Arrested city officials: 4.5

Tribune editorials endorsing more Walmart: 12

Boutique muffin shops opening: 65

People bumping into you at Taste of Chicago roughly every second: 14,000

Categories: Humor, Local / Chicago
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