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Hot Stove TV

Earlier today on Twitter, critic Ryan McGee kicked off the hashtag game #HotStoveTV – applying the deal-making madness that grips professional sports in their off-seasons (such as Major League Baseball’s ongoing winter meetings) to the wide world of television. And you know what? It’s amazing how efficiently you could swap a few key players around and really bolster a show’s line-up.

Below the jump, a few I came up with:

The Walking Dead sends Daryl Dixon to Justified for Winona Hawkins

The strangely regressive gender roles on Walking Dead could use a shot of steely femininity. Winona can show Rick a thing or two about how a real lawman with a potentially violent frenemy ought to behave. And Daryl’s the kind of sharp-witted redneck who deserves to call Harlan home. 

Glee trades Will Schuester to Game of Thrones for Ned Stark—yes, Ned Stark in his current condition

The scattered, stricken Starks are as self-reliant as they come; they can safely ignore the fog-headed tutelage of Mr. Schu as he just keeps scribbling the word WINTER on the whiteboard over and over. Meanwhile, even a pate-less patriarch is a more inspirational figure for New Directions—a grim, omnipresent reminder that Regionals is Coming.

The Big Bang Theory deals Howard Wolowitz and Raj Koothrappali to2 Broke Girls for Han, Oleg, Earl, and cash considerations

Max and Caroline’s misadventures are gradually assuming the character of a latter-day Laverne and Shirley. So naturally, they need their own Lenny and Squiggy. Howard and Raj fit the bill nicely, keeping the Broolyn-based show appropriately diverse while paring way back on the awful ethnic jokes (save for Howard’s mother, who comes along just to keep Michael Patrick King happy). Meanwhile, BBT immediately buys out the diner crew’s contracts; this is strictly a salary cap maneuver so they can pay for Amy’s and Bernadette’s contract extensions.

The Vampire Diaries and New Girl swap Bonnie Bennett for Cece

Face it: Bonnie’s a buzzkill. But sometimes that skill is what’s called for, like when you’re living with someone who’s all buzz…irritating, addle-pated buzz, all the time. Like Jess, for instance. It’s an even swap for Cece, who indulges her “bad boy” proclivity in Mystic Falls by getting herself bit and becoming Klaus’s new moll.

Dexter ships Angel, LaGuerta, and Quinn to Terra Nova for two allosauruses and a triceratops to be named later.

Terra Nova: Where dull, extraneous supporting cast members go to … well, who the hell really cares what they do when they get there. For Miami Metro, the new threat is summed up perfectly by Carrie Raisler: “How do you kill a show with a dinosaur?” “I don’t know, but let’s pray it works.”

Categories: Humor, Pop Culture, TV
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