Firing up the USA Show Generator 8000

Common Law, the latest model from USA’s light-hearted-mismatched-buddy-based-professional-procedural factory, rolls off the assembly line tonight at 10 p.m. (9 p.m. CST). You can read more about it, and the network’s model, in this CNN story that quotes noted USA Network scholar and friend of the blog Cory “Coriander” Barker.

We here at The Vast Wasteland are much more interested in the future than the past. That’s why our crack staff of intrepid reporters have dug up these synopses of upcoming USA Network hits. Get ready to enjoy them on a Saturday early afternoon when you’ve flipped through like a dozen channels already and why the hell not land on this.

Fast Money. A grizzled former track coach enlists a fleet-of-foot con man to make an honest living on the competitive track circuit—but can he resist pulling his lovable scams at their every destination?

Time Flies. A cocky watchmaker is on the run from the mob. Alongside his no-nonsense FBI protector, can they stay one step ahead of trouble while still solving crimes every week for some reason?

Special Delivery. A roguish ex-spy on the lam thinks he’s free and clear when he decides to hide out as a messenger—but can he survive learning the ropes from his by-the-book partner?

Citation Needed. A brazen investigative reporter for a trendy Southern California magazine meets his match the form of his new buttoned-down fact checker. Will he let the truth get in the way of a good story?

High Water. A charming layabout, busted yet again for pot possession, is ordered by a judge to do community service for his local water reclamation district. Can he loosen up his stuffed-shirt supervisor and crew of quirky coworkers while staving off the surprisingly frequent threats to the public’s hydrological health?